Unmatched Socks: A Defining Moment

So young... and so clueless!

Order. Efficiency. Productivity. 

These are words I'd use to describe my life... before kids. Back when I crammed 4 years of college into 3 years, or worked 40 hours a week plus spent 20 hours each weekend helping start a church in Los Angeles. I was stretched. I was exhausted. And I loved it.

Just before we had our first child, my husband took a job as the senior pastor of a small, rural church, and I stepped down from my job in a busy office to be home with the baby and help him at the church. I’d read some books on motherhood to prepare myself, but all in all, I wasn’t too worried. I mean, I’d been taking care of executives for quite a few years by that point. Their needs are much more complex than a tiny baby’s. How hard could this be, really? 

As it turned out, much harder than anything I’d ever done. 

What I remember the most about those early days was the overwhelming frustration of not being able to get anything done. I loved my daughter so much, and I even loved being a mom. But feeding her every couple of hours, changing her tiny outfits every time part of her leaked… it was so draining. (no pun intended)

Order. Efficiency. Productivity. I lived by these values, remember?

This all came to a head one day when I was scrubbing yet another soiled outfit. I remember thinking bitterly, God, I could do so much more with my time, so much more for Your church, if I wasn’t stuck doing all of these trivial things! I was at my wits’ end. I mean, am I the only one who has ever felt… stuck?

And then, like a cup of cold water thrown in my face, it hit me.

I realized, Right now, this IS the important work! Providing a safe, loving home for my family and meeting their needs – at that moment – was the most important task I could be doing, and I needed to see it that way.

Slowly my perspective began to shift. A few weeks later came the real test. I was attempting to battle the ever growing mountain of baby laundry in Linsey’s room, and I set a pile of socks I’d just finished sorting and folding on the stool beside me. 

Unbeknownst to me, as I turned to put the other clothes carefully into the drawers, my little angel grabbed each pair of socks, separated them, and threw them over her head like confetti.

By the time I turned around and observed the sock party, I realized I had a choice to make. I could scold my one-year old for, well, acting like a one year old, and inevitably make both of us cry. 

Or, I could choose to laugh. Laugh because of the silly smile on her face as the socks tumbled down around her. Laugh because my life of order, efficiency, and productivity had been literally thrown to the wind by this blond tornado.

And so, I laughed. Then, inspired by my new outlook, I snapped a pic. Then, I wrote a poem to memorialize this moment. Not surprisingly, it's called Unmatched Socks.

Unmatched Socks

I live in a world of unmatched socks, and shoes that don't quite fit

On tiny pink feet that won't stay still, and messes that just don't quit.

I live in a world of books with torn pages, and baskets overturned,

Of pictures taken just after the smile - you'd think by now I'd have learned!

I live in a world of stains and tears, although these can be cleaned and mended;

But not until after my baby is grown, and these special times have ended.

Times when very flower has to be smelled, and we pet every "kiddy-tat,"

And I don't even mind the thousands of times that I have to answer, "Mama, what's dat?"

In a world where laundry will never be done, I'm glad to see smiles galore.

With giggles and snuggles and so many hugs, who could ask for anything more?

I'm a mother, you see, and I like my world with toys and clothes astray.

Yes, I live in a world of unmatched socks, and I want it no other way. 

I printed this poem with the picture, and it's still hanging outside my bedroom today. It's a constant reminder of what turned out to be a defining moment for me, when I learned to be fully present in my relationships with even the tiniest of humans... to accept and enjoy each moment as it comes... rather than wishing I could be doing something else. 

If I’m constantly checking my phone while my friend pours her heart out, that sends a message.

If I’m a productive employee but always negative, that will hinder me in the long run.

And as a mom, if my focus on being productive means I'm scowling at my kids as I help with their homework or slopping food on a plate so I can get back to the computer, then I'm missing the bigger picture. I'm missing the chance to speak into their lives, to show them how important they are to me. 

Order, efficiency, productivity. Still nice to have, but I’ll take unmatched socks and a goofy smile any day.