Look Alikes

I saw it.... in the way my nine-year old came up beside her sister during the worship service, circled her arm around her sister's waist, and began singing softly. 

I heard it.... she was talking cheerfully to a roomful of preschoolers, "Okay now, in 5 minutes we're going to clean up, and I need you all to help, ok?"  Two minutes later, with strained politeness, she added: "Let's be sure we're talking nicely to each other, ok?!" 

I felt it... at 9:00pm, just after I'd tucked her in, when her eyes flew open in panic, "My spelling! I forgot to to my spelling! Mom, I CAN'T turn it in late. I have to do it NOW!" I flinched, knowing she came by her perfectionism honestly. 

The good, the bad, the sweet, the ugly. My girls are mirror images of me and my parenting, with smatterings of my husband thrown in. The way they speak to each other, take care of each other, and leave trails of discarded activities behind so they can get to the "next thing," whatever that is. 

The way they see themselves - outer beauty, inner beauty. Their perception of God and all things spiritual. The way they manage others' expectations - and their own, for that matter. 

Sometimes I see them and feel pretty good about myself, "Wow, maybe I'm on the right track!" Other times I think, "Surely they didn't get that (insert negative behavior here) from me! Must be their dad's fault."    

I've been given such a gift, these terrifyingly fragile yet amazingly resilient young women to love, to teach, to protect, to grow and nourish. 

I know we're all ultimately responsible for our own actions, I do. 

And I also know how much my parents influenced my life, my perception of the world around me and my place in it. Yours probably did too.

So if there is anything that drives me to become a better person -  
   
          to let go of grudges... 
              to admit when I'm wrong...            
                  to be kind to myself and others...                
                       to be fully present in my relationships...

It's knowing these four are right behind me, taking it all in... 

Not realizing that in their quest for individuality, they will likely take a bit of their parents with them, like the rest of us did. 

I just hope it's the good part.