~The top HEADLINE for today:
Homeschoolers across America report that they have seen an increase in family unity and togetherness by schooling at home, as well as creative learning by even the youngest of students. "They love learning," says one mom in southern California, "to the point that it gets all over them, you know? It just kind of...spills out." Indeed ma'am, a picture is worth 1,000 words.
~"I've been on a diet two weeks, and all I lost is 14 days," moans a local housewife who chooses remain anonymous. She is thinking of suing her Internet company for their slow service. "It takes me so long to load Facebook each morning, I simply don't have time to excercise. This is an outrage, it just doesn't add up." It may not, but those pounds sure do...
~ This Just In: Local father caught on camera being absolutely adorable with his daughter. Investigators wonder if this behavior is normal, or if he was perhaps...FRAMED. :)
~ In other news, Hannah, the second of three girls in her family, has been spotted riding through the neighborhood without her training wheels. She seems to be unalarmed, but local parents are terrified this will become an epidemic and are hesitant to RIDE this out. Any information leading to the whereabouts of the missing training wheels would be appreciated.
~ Finally, aspiring singer/songwriter known as "Linsey" has given up on her promising career in music and has instead turned to cosmetology. After a recent benefit concert in the Front Yard, a popular youth hangout, she gave pedicures to local underprivileged children. If you are interested in booking her for either a manicure or a vocal concert, her agent's contact information is listed on the right-hand side of your screen.
Thank you, again this is Liz, filling in for Phil for your Monday morning report.